Monday, July 8, 2013

The Pyros hit at the top of the ramp all the way down to the ring and on the ring posts as The Royal Rumble begins. The crowd are going bonkers all over the arena and there isn't a fan in his seat in this packed 38000 person arena.



“Aaaaaaaaaveeeee Maaaaaariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia… graaaaaatiiiia pleeeeeeeeeenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..”

‘Ave Maria’ plays in the background as the screen shows pictures of people crying over tragic events, from funerals to bombings to gunfights. After several seconds of the clip, the camera goes live to Encore, one of the newest superstars in the Viking Wrestling Federation. Seated in a large designer’s seat, Encore dons his large fur coat and a white fluffy cat on his lap. He smiles into the camera, petting his large furball.

ENCORE: Hello there. My name is Encore and the display I just showed to you resolved around the deaths of many, twenty-nine different pictures to be exact. But death does not only have to have a physical meaning. It could be spiritual, mental, and even a symbol for much more.

A stage hand walks onto the screen and takes Encore’s cat from him as he gets out of his seat. He begins to walk down a row with pictures of previous Royal Rumble winners, from The Viking King himself all the way to “Godly” Ken Davison.

ENCORE: You see, the Royal Rumble match is one of the most highly revered matches in The Viking Wrestling Federation. Being eliminated kills any chance of winning a shot for the World Heavyweight Championship. However, the last three to be eliminated shall receive a title shot of their choosing.

Encore stops at the very last picture, which has a silhouette face with a question mark over it.

ENCORE: Now, as you can see, there is no one for this year’s Royal Rumble, partly because no one has even won it yet.

Encore chuckles.

ENCORE: Sorry, I just find myself humorous. Now, tonight, I will enter the ring with many dashingly athletic wrestlers in the Royal Rumble. Some may be a little more athletic than others and some of them may even come out with boobies. Nonetheless, that shall not stop thy quest to be the winner!

Encore takes his hand and rips off the silhouette picture to show his face as the 2013 Royal Rumble winner.

ENCORE: I have prepared a haiku for this occasion, as I see it fitting to show off my great poet skills.

Placing his fist over his mouth, Encore coughs, clearing his throat in the process. He pulls out from the pocket of his coat a fake human skull and begins to recite his haiku.

ENCORE: The Royal Rumble, Many enter, few have won. Encore shall be next…

Encore then takes a bite from the skull, revealing it to be just candy. After taking his monstrous bite, he flings it out of the camera, seeing no purpose in it anymore.

ENCORE: Ladies and gentlemen of The Viking Wrestling Federation, what you see here is the God given talent on not only the microphone, but in the ring as well. I will prove that tonight when I become the new Royal Rumble winner and then I will go on to become YOUR NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Encore takes a deep, heavy breath, and then continues.


Encore, looking into the sky, smiles from ear to ear. He was lusting for this victory now more than ever. ENCORE: The spotlight is mine and it’s my time to shine!

Encore walks away from the camera, as it fades to black.

(-(-( TINA PETERSON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the first ever Prison Riot match! As you can see a prison cell type cage is lowering over me as I speak. The rules of this match revolve around pinfalls and submissions. One tag partner of each team will be locked inside a cell which is located at each corner of the ring and set on a timer. When this timer, which only the audience can see, reaches 0, a random cell is unlocked, allowing that team mate to assist his tag partner for a limited time until the timer reaches 0. Once that timer reaches 0, the partner who was competing beforehand will be locked up and the cell timer starts again.

TINA PETERSON: Now, because there are 3 teams, and 4 cells, I am told that the cell that is not occupied will contain weapons and be put on the same timer as the other cells, and only once its timer is unlocked will those weapons become legal. Should a competitor manage to open the weapons cell unnaturally, there will be grave consequences which I have not been told of.

TINA PETERSON: And I have just been informed, from The Viking King himself that once every member is within this cell, the cage will then become electrified! Preventing any convict from escaping, and instead of referees, we will have these rules enforced by prison guards, who are allowed to interfere when an illegal move has been maneuvered! This match will be for the VWF World Tag Team Championship!

"I Know It's Gonna Hurt" By Prick hits, and out comes Phoenix and Rico. Phoenix looks nervous, but is biting his lip trying to keep it together as Rico prances down the ramp blowing kisses to the fans.

JOEY STYLES: Rico certainly doesn't show any signs of being afraid, P. P. LICKIN: Phoenix looks like a penis in a sausage making factory.

As the regal melody sounds the Lorenz Black parts the backstage curtain. He comes out filled with fury and emotion, swinging his arms wildly, pumping up each side of the arena. Chance walks out slowly, strolling in a half crouch with his hand shielding his eyes…which are covered by Aviators. The fans go nuts for the perennial contenders. Chance and Lorenz stroll down to the ring, Lorenz with raw emotion and Chance with the narcissistic swagger that makes women swoon; men wanna hate and makes children idolize him.

JOEY STYLES: The Black Republicans have been impressive the last few months on their way to this match, P.

P. LICKIN: I'm afraid that if the belts go around their waists, they may never go back though.

“For Ramridge” hits and out comes the World Tag-Team Champions, Bobby Bostwick and Brent Cross. They pantomime like they are leading the band and patting each other on the back as they come down the ramp...

JOEY STYLES: Bostwick and Cross have been willy champions since capturing the Tag-Titles so many months ago.

P. LICKIN: They've been champions so long that... they... um... I can't figure out how to make a joke about your mother with that.

Rico, Lorenz and Brent will be starting off. Instead of a bell, a loud Riot Alarm goes off.

JOEY STYLES: Oh, how innovative. P. LICKIN: Yawn.

Both Lorenz and Brent punch Rico down. Lorenz then forces Brent against the ropes. We see the timer is counting down from 50. Lorenz grapples Brent, who counter grapples and shoulder blocks Lorenz down. Brent attempts a dropping elbow and misses as Lorenz dodges and counters into a headlock, and then throws it into a Camel Clutch. Rico then out of nowhere drop kicks them both. Rico then oddly does a pin attempt by doing the splits over both of them, the crowd laughs but Lorenz and Brent both throw him off. Timer is at :27.

P. LICKIN: I can speak for 27 seconds. *unzips pants* 5 seconds…..10….oh come on you’re not done yet!

JOEY STYLES: I think Mandigo drove the Weiner mobile here. P. LICKIN: Oh that wasn’t nice.

Timer is now at .13. Brent throws Rico against the electrified cage. It tickles Rico instead of hurting him, forcing him to laugh awkwardly. The buzzer that you hear in prisons when the cells open in the morning goes off; Chase is let loose and immediately gets to work. 1 minute is on the clock until Lorenz must be locked up.

The Black Republicans go to work on Brent with Double Clotheslines and Double DDT’s. Lorenz performs a suplex, Chase then transfers it into a neckbreaker Lorenz then Big Boots an oncoming Rico. Timer reaches 0, prison guard forcibly pulls Lorenz into his appropriate cell. Timer starts at 1:37.

Chance goes on the offense and pounds a few right into both Rico and Brent. Leg drop on Rico. Brent clotheslines Chance down and puts Rico into a reverse chinlock. Rico struggles to escape, until he starts humping against Brent to cause a distraction. It is successful as Rico takes advantage and places him into a Nelson hold and powerbombs him onto the mat. A charging Chance is caught in a Rico love hug, and Rico then bear hug slams him down. Timer is at :42.

Rico puts Brent and Chance in a double headlock and starts doing this awkward tap dance whilst holding them in the hold with a big smile on his face. Rico then does a backflip while keeping the hold on using the ropes. When he lands he lets go of the hold and drop kicks them both. Both are stuck on the ropes, Rico runs against the back ropes and jumps on their necks, making sure his tight bulge is seen between their faces. Brent then starts beating on Rico angrily. Timer is at :07.

P. LICKIN: Hey, that's your bank pin number, Joey.

JOEY STYLES: My pin number isn't 07. It's 5643...

P. LICKIN: heh heh heh

Chance interferes and shoves Brent out of the way and starts choking Rico hard. The crowd starts announcing the countdown. 5….4…..3…..2…..1….the buzzer sounds and Phoenix’s cell opens. But Phoenix refuses to leave. The prison guard orders Phoenix out and eventually forces him out. Brent surprises Phoenix with a Crossbuster! He goes for a pin but Rico finds the will to break the choke and disrupt the pinfall.

As Phoenix tries to stand from taking such a big hit, Rico does everything he can to defend him until he has to go into his team’s cell. But it’s not going well. Both Chance and Brent are having their way with Rico. Phoenix notices the weapon cell and starts crawling for it, as Rico is taking a ton of punishment, with the timer for Rico’s lockup at :17 seconds. Phoenix makes it to the weapons, but of course it’s electrified. Phoenix stalls before touching it and getting stunned. He tires again but just gets shocked and hurt. The timer for Rico’s lock up reaches 0 and the prison guard forces Brent and Chance off Rico and assists him into his cell. Next prison cell break will commence in 2:15.

JOEY STYLES: Uh oh, Phoenix is an easy target here.

P. LICKIN: Just like your mom.

Brent headbutts Phoenix down, and takes on Chase. They lock up and do a test of strength with Brent easily overpowering Chase. Brent kicks Chase in the midsection and puts him in a facelock. He then puts Chase into an abdominal stretch. Chase uses a reverse headbutt to escape and puts Brent into a standing wristlock. Suddenly Phoenix jumps on Chance’s back and starts choking him. Brent then delivers a right to Chance’s face, forcing down, and Phoenix and Brent face off in a different type of tag match, where Phoenix runs from being touched. 1:22 left on the timer.

Phoenix runs and runs. He eventually stops, which causes Brent to accidentally run into his back. Phoenix goes for a pin. Phoenix sees a flying shadow, which is Chase performing a Top Shelf. Phoenix dodges it but Brent is not so lucky. Chase goes for his pin but Phoenix breaks it up and attempts his own. Chase then drags Phoenix off and throws him against the ropes and does a 2 handed sit down chokeslam. He goes for a pin but Brent knows them both over and pins them both on top of each other. Phoenix manages to struggle out and break the pin with :30 left on the timer. Brent grabs a hold of Phoenix and starts working on his face, but not a Rico way.

JOEY STYLES: Well, duh.

P. LICKIN: Was that line really necessary?

Brent then big boots Phoenix against the ropes almost sending him over, Chase then jumps him from behind and pulls him down and starts choking him. Phoenix sneaks behind the sitting Chase and puts a Scissors hold on him, but Chase is still able to keep his chokehold on. 5…..4….3…..2…..1….. The buzzer goes off and Bostwick’s cell opens. Lockdown timer starts 1:00. Bostwick immediately throws Phoenix off and against the electrified wall. He then rescues his partner Brent.

P. LICKIN: My hero.

Brent and Bobby stand on opposite sides of Chase and deliver high side kicks simultaneously to his head. Chase goes down. Brent then volunteers to go back to team’s cell early. He is escorted by the prison guard who calls for a termination of the lockdown timer. Brent enters the cell and the guard locks him up. Next prison riot buzzer will be in 3:29.

Bostwick begins to dominate Chase with some lefts and rights. Chase responds with a few chops to the chest. Phoenix meanwhile is struggling to get back into the action, slowly climbing the outside ropes back into the ring. 2:46.

Bostwick clotheslines Chase down and then rams Phoenix back off the ropes. Chase then dropkicks Bostick against the ropes and does a Rey Mysterio 619 type move around the ropes, pushing Bostwick to the opposite ropes, where Phoenix surprises him with a rope choke move. This stuns Bostwick a little and he winds up in Chase’s hold for 3 German suplexes. Chase holds him for a pin after the third; Bostwick kicks out at 2, with the timer at 1:31.

Phoenix is still struggling to get back to the action. He begins to climb back into the ring slowly. Chase and Bostwick going back and forth. A right here, clothesline there, grapple counters, the norm, until Bostwick trips Chase down and locks in a Figure-4 leglock. Prison guard continuously asking of Chase submits to defeat, but he constantly refuses. This distraction makes it easy for Phoenix to find his way back into the ring. He notices the weapons locker again, remembering the effects from his previous encounter with it, but still seeing it as an only option. With Rico in his cell just having a blast with the electricity on his bum, Phoenix once more grabs the knob and digs for the will to hold on and turn it to open it as he is getting fried. Timer is at :30.

Bostwick tightens his grip on the leglock, not knowing Phoenix is at the weapons locker behind him, and Chase is in too much pain to notice either. Phoenix screams and screams and turns and turns and turns. The weapons locker, his hands turning purple. Timer is at :25.

Turning and turning, Bostwick tightening the hold, Chase’s screams of pain bleeping out Phoenix’s suffering. With :20 left on the timer he finally gets the knob turned appropriately and opens the weapons locker. After he does though, The Prison Riot buzzer goes off, louder than ever and Phoenix realizes that…opening the weapons locker opens all of the cells at once!


P. LICKIN: Now here’s a prison riot!

The guard does what he can to keep everyone in their cells but fails miserably and is knocked down. Lorenz breaks up the leg lock on Chase, Brent then fights off Lorenz. Bostwick does a neckbreaker Chase. Rico is…still playing with the electricity. The Black Republicans and Varsity Squad engage in a free for all bout when out of nowhere Phoenix takes them all out with a chair, all Except for Lorenz who drop kicks the chair into his face. Chase eventually comes to and boots Phoenix down. Chase climbs the top rope and waits as Lorenz Gorilla presses Phoenix and sets up their tag finisher as Chase then does his frog splash.

But then Rico comes out of nowhere and catches him. Rico has so much static cling on his body that he stings anyone who comes near him. Everyone besides Phoenix…who has run scared to a cell is down and Rico just does some weird poses that relay his static cling to whoever he’s facing. He does fist pump pose at Bostwick, a muscle flex at Chase, and starts Riverdancing around everyone. Until the Prison guard wraps a chain around him and throws him off everyone.

With Rico “subdued” the guard attempts to regain control of the riot. Locking up random team mates Brent, Chase and Phoenix. Guard orders the timer start at 3 minutes. Bostwick locks up with Lorenz and delivers a knee to his midsection. He then elbows Lorenz down onto the floor and puts him into a surfboard. The prison guard checks on Rico to ensure he is static free. The guard kicks him in the face. Nothing. The guard then gives him a warning about trying that static cling stunt again and lets him into the ring. 2:17 left on the timer.

Rico runs back into the match and clotheslines Bostwick and delivers a right to Lorenz and another to Bostwick. Rico then leg drops Lorenz and suplexes Bostwick. Rico rises and signals for a louder chant from the crowd. Bostwick rises and Rico delivers a Ricosault on him and goes for a pin. Lorenz breaks it with a kick before they even get to 1. 1:42 left on the timer.

Lorenz powerbombs Rico hard, attempting to slam him on top of Bostwick, but Bostwick is able to move in time. Bostwick then Better Bombs Lorenz. Phoenix is kicking his cell door as hard as he can to escape until it finally opens for him. Bostwick attempts to go for a pin until he sees Phoenix escape and Better Busters him. The timer freezes at 1:22 as both Chase and Brent do as Phoenix did and escape their cells and another riot ensues.

The guard gets out his baton and hits Chase and Phoenix with it and tries to hit Brent, but Brent dodges it and Brain Busts the guard down, when the guard drops down he drops a set of keys. Brent purloins the keys and shows Bobby with a big smirk on his face and unlocks the prison cage door and kicks it open, with the crowd going wild.

JOEY STYLES: Uh oh, escaped convicts!

P. LICKIN: Belch.

The Varsity Squad then forcibly throw Fabulously Scared out of the cage and start fighting on the entrance ramp. The Black Republicans show themselves out and lock the prison guard in the prison behind them. A free for all ensues on the entrance ramp. Bostwick grapples Lorenz against the barrier, Chase boots Phoenix, The Varsity Squad team grapples Rico against the electrified cage, much to Rico’s delight.

We see the prison guard radioing for backup, and then a group of guards start charging down the entrance ramp and join in on the fight against the convicts. Using batons on all them until they’re all down.

JOEY STYLES: This is one weird match.

P. LICKIN: I love it.

Rico surprises the guards with some static cling, steals a baton and takes down a guard. The Varsity Squad and The Black Republicans join in, suddenly everyone is working together to take down the guard’s reinforcements.

JOEY STYLES: That’s what makes our sport so beautiful sometimes.

P. LICKIN: Unless Rico’s involved.

With all of the guard’s reinforcements down, all the teams resume beating each other up. Rico signals Phoenix to do….something. Phoenix lays on the mat, Rico DDT’s Chase Black and just as Chase is about to land on Phoenix, Phoenix kicks Chase into the air, causing him to fly and land hard on the mat. Lorenz applies the Nail in the Coffin on Rico and Bostwick jumps from atop of the barrier and performs a blockbuster on Phoenix. We then see The Viking King makes his way down the ramp dressed as a guard to officiate the match. Bostwick covers Phoenix and Viking counts. 1....2.... Lorenz makes the save! Lorenz picks up Bostwick and starts to hit some lefts and rights, but Bostwick blocks one and hits an uppercut. Lorenz staggers back. Bostwick hits a big right, staggering the big man back into the corner. Rico comes from behind Bostwick and hits a huge low blow. Rico giggles as Bostwick collapses in a heap. Lorenz charges Rico and hits a huge clothesline, nearly taking his head off. Lorenz goes to cover Bostwick, but Cross comes out of nowhere and tackles him, and the two roll off to the side brawling. Phoenix crawls towards Bostwick, but Chance runs at Phoenix, hops on his back and springs off, hitting the Top Shelf on Bostwick! Phoenix collapses as Viking counts. Cross tries to break the count but Lorenz has him by the boot. 1....2....3.... )-)-)

Winner: The Black Republicans win the World Tag-Team Championships


Backstage we catch the tail conversation between Maverick and the cast of MWC.

JADE MALIKAI: ...we decided, that we're doing this on our own tonight.


JADE MALIKAI: But nothing. We'll see you out there...champ.

The cast of MWC walk off, giving Maverick the cold shoulder.

MAVERICK JONES: Well, that didn't work out.

Maverick turns around to walk in the other direct but bumps right into “The Iron Tiger” Nick Maggio who is seen doing squat thrusts in the nude backstage, just inches from where Maverick was standing. Maggio is wearing absolutely nothing except for the smell of Jack Daniels that is resonating off of his body. He is completely naked and the camera has done its best job to blur out his genitals. Maverick accidently bumps into Maggio mid squat.

NICK MAGGIO: HEY! What the fuck are you doing in my gym, asshole? Fucking leave now before I smash you!

MAVERICK JONES: But this is craft services!

NICK MAGGIO: Craft services? Well then go make me some mac and cheese, bitch! I can't expect to win this rumble on an empty stomach!

MAVERICK JONES: You don't look so you have a concussion?

Maverick waves his hand in front of Maggio's face.


Oliver Wendal Jones, attracted by all the comotion walks up to the pair.

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: Penis? You're stroking it back here you sick bastard?

MAVERICK JONES: He clearly has a concussion Look at him!

NICK MAGGIO: This is my locker room! Why the fuck are you people in here? Fuck, get me another beer!

Nick Maggio lunges and Oliver Wendal Jones but falls flat on his face instead. He mutters that the floor can go fuck itself as he tries to stand up.


Maggio finally gets back to his feet and starts busting out some burpee pushups while the others look on.

TANNER SUMMERS: Oh, Christ, dude...

Enter Tanner Summers, eating a hot dog. Correction: was eating a hot dog, until the sight of a grown man doing jail-house style exercises came into his field of vision. The dog, now on the floor being squeezed right out of the bun, lay dormant.

TANNER SUMMERS: I thought I had a brutal training regiment.

HOT DOG: D'oh!

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: My training regime is sex with hookers.

Tanner and Maverick look at him. Oliver Jones slowly takes a step back.

TANNER SUMMERS: That's uh...great. So what are you guys doing?

MAVERICK JONES: Well, Nick here must have a concussion. Look at him. Slack jaw, smell of alcohol rub, bloodshot eyes.

NICK MAGGIO: Preparing for this fucking Rumble so I can party or some shit.

Maggio stands up again and shows off his guns.

CHANCE BLACK: It's not a party until you've invited some Blacks!

Lorenz and Chance, the Black Republicans walk up to the scene of white men standing around a shockingly naked white man

LORENZ BLACK: I don't think this is our type of party lil' bro!

Chance and Lorenz give each other a curious look.

CHANCE BLACK: I knew you couldn't jump, I was pretty sure beside the white dude from Step it Up you couldn't dance, but damn I didn't know this is how y'all get ready for a Rumble?

LORENZ BLACK: I'm not sure I like Royal Rumbles anymore.

MAVERICK JONES: What are you talking about? They are great! 30 men and well actually 45 this time, battle it out to see who's the best! I've done two of them! I'm excited, aren't you guys?

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: It's a Royal Rumble? I guess there must be some queens in this match from the sound of it.

Tanner, who was secretly kneeling down to grab his fallen hotdog, spits it back out of his mouth.

MAVERICK JONES: Listen guys, the fact of the matter is, I'm the only one of us standing here who has ever won a match during the Royal Rumble. This year, could be my year to win it for real!

CHANCE BLACK: I'm more of a Hennessey guy.

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: I'll take a Rum and Coke while you're at it.

CHANCE BLACK: While you hope to win this LOTTERY match, we're gonna be taking the Varsity Squad to the limit and winning the Tag Team Championships for a SECOND time!

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: The only gold you'll have is the chains around your necks.

LORENZ BLACK: Don't play with us young man.

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's funny. What are you going to do to win the match? Bribe them with your welfare checks and Herman Cain campaign merchandise? I could team with anyone here and kick your asses.

TANNER SUMMERS: Um...can I get some of that Herman Cain merch from you guys?

The Blacks shake their heads. Nick Maggio manages to pull himself up from the ground again.

NICK MAGGIO: Fuck you guys, I'm gonna win the tag title tonight bitches.

MAVERICK JONES: You're not in that match...


LORENZ BLACK: Listen, I've got to cash your sisters checks, the liquor store won't, and if she comes back without her money you know how-

NICK MAGGIO: I'm in every match motherfucker! Watch me soar!

Nick Maggio flexes his muscles out again and then runs off down the hall. Meanwhile Axel the Shark walks around the corner, and at the site of a naked fully erect man running at him, he turns and runs away screaming.

CHANCE BLACK:For a second time, WHAT THE FUCK?

LORENZ BLACK: Yo! This is like Get Him to the Greek!

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: Are you going to start singing Furry Walls next?

Lorenz and Chance guffah at each other.

TANNER SUMMERS: I'm just glad for once I'm not the whitest guy in the room. And considering my first name, you'd think it'd be easier...

CHANCE BLACK: Oliver, you've probably got a future here in the VWF, I don't give you respect until I see you with my own two. I've heard of you, apparently you haven't heard of me!

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: I have heard of you. I heard you were dead.

CHANCE BLACK: I'm Chance Motherfuckin' Black, and tonight my brother and I are gonna win the Tag Team Championships.

MAVERICK JONES: It's good to set high goals for yourselves.

CHANCE BLACK: High goals? You don't believe!!

MAVERICK JONES: No, I mean its good to have goals.

Chance and Lorenz get closer to Maverick now, both obviously bigger, and from the outside looking in, in formation for a hate crime.

LORENZ BLACK: You think the Varsity Squad is better than us Mav?

MAVERICK JONES: I...I didn't say that. I mean, they're pretty good don't get me wrong.

LORENZ BLACK: Pretty good? How about I drop you on your neck pretty good?

MAVERICK JONES: Oh no, no, no.

Lorenz and Chance get themselves practically towering over Maverick now. Tanner and Oliver look on uncomfortably.

MAVERICK JONES: Listen...this....what you're doing...I won't be intimidated.

CHANCE BLACK: We don't need to intimidate you Maverick, we can beat you in the ring. You think you're hot shit because you have a wrestling challenge, the fans love The Black Republicans too...don't get it twisted.

MAVERICK JONES: I'd say lets just see what happens come match time, but both of you will be long gone by the time I enter the match-

Maverick clasps his hands over his mouth immediately. Tanner lets out a long whistle.

TANNER SUMMERS: I'll bet you a slightly dirt-covered hot dog you'll regret saying that in oh...ten seconds...

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: This reminds me of the Chinese stand off scene from Big Trouble in Little China. Awesome...

TANNER SUMMERS: Look, no doubt about who I'm gunning for in the tag match tonight. Hint hint: I hate frat dudes. But as it pertains to the Rumble, to all of you guys, as much as I respect your abilities and experience and blah blah blah...I kind of have to win. See, I really need to get laid, and uh...well, you know...the likelihood of that happening is slim to nil if I don't come out of D.C. with a title shot.

CHANCE BLACK: Y'all sit here and have your clan meeting, we're going home as the Tag Team Champions.

Lorenz fakes to Maverick to try and make him flinch, but he does nothing. The Blacks take one last look at the group and turns to walk away. Chance looks at Tanner Summers and sneaks him a covert knuckle touch before he heads out. Tanner smiles and Chance salutes.

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: Yeah, see I scared them off. They're scared that I am going to go out there and win the Rumble because I'm the best there is in the world.

Maverick and Tanner both raise their eyebrows and nod slowly.

MAVERICK JONES: Well this is all well and good guys. I don't know about you, but I got a concussed friend running around the arena and a Rumble match to win.

Maverick walks off from the pair shouting "NICHOLAS" down the halls. The camera pans to a point down the hall where Axel the Shark continues to run away from Nick Maggio, with men in white coats running after them both.

OLIVER WENDEL JONES: So this is the KKK meeting those Republican fellers were talking about...

Oliver turns his head to find a cloud of dust where Tanner Summers was standing. Oliver just shrugs and picks up the hot dog he left behind. Now you're imaging the hot dog running away right?

(-(-( JOEY STYLES: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time for The Royal Rumble! Like in previous years, the rules are simple. You can only be eliminated by going OVER the top rope and landing on the outside with BOTH feet. The last four men standing are at least guaranteed some sort of title shot for their trouble, but only the LAST man standing will become the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Wrestlers will enter the ring at non-regular intervals to heighten the suspense of WHO and WHEN will enter the ring. And we will begin with our first two entrants, Scott DiBiase and one of Maverick Jones' protoges, Jade Malikai.

P. LICKIN: You realize it took you longer to explain that than some people will be IN the ring tonight, right?

"Crawling in the Dark" by Hoobastank begins to play, almost drowned out by the chorus of boos from the capacity crowd of the Verizon Center, when Saul Layman walks out onto the stage alone, and makes his way to the ring while ignoring the jeers from the crowd at ringside. After he walks up the ringsteps and steps through the top and middle ropes to enter the ring, Saul takes the microphone from Tina Peterson.

SAUL LAYMAN: Thank-you, Tina.

Saul waits for the animosity of the crowd to die down.

SAUL LAYMAN: My name is Saul Layman and I am the Senior Adviser to Mr. DiBiase's management team. Over the past few weeks we've heard from all of the participants of this Royal Rumble match about how they're going to win the Royal Rumble and we've heard from people living in the distant past dragging up the same tired disparaging remarks against my client, but we're not here to live in the past, we're here to look to the future!

The crowd boos.

SAUL LAYMAN: You can boo me all you want, but that will not change the fact that despite entering this Royal Rumble at a seeming disadvantage, it's not going to be the Jared Fishes or the Cole Legulas or even the... Dan Ryans

Layman made a show of gagging in disgust as he said the name.

SAUL LAYMAN: It won't be any of those competitors, as talented and as dominant as they may be, who will be the last man standing here tonight. No, my friends, for the first time in the history of the Viking Wrestling Federation, it will be the man who enters at number one who will outlast the entire roster, competing for over an hour to earn the right to challenge for the World Heavyweight championship at Bloodlust. It will be the Most Valuable Commodity in the VWF today, whether you like it or not, it will be this man!

The lights go out and are replaced red and white spotlights as "Breaking Inside" by Shinedown hits the sound system, to a much louder chorus of boos and jeers than Saul received. Mr. Sandoval steps onto the stage and surveys the crowd with an indifferent glare as Scott DiBiase walks out, illuminated by a red maple leaf-shaped spotlight. Flanked by Mr. Sandoval as he slowly walks down the aisle, Scott smirks as the fans on either side of the aisle spew hostile invectives and throw debris in his path. Scott climbs up the ring steps and steps through the top and middle ropes to enter the ring and stand beside Saul Layman.

SAUL LAYMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from the great country of Canada, your once and future World Heavyweight champion... Scott DiBiase!

JOEY STYLES: Scott is going to have to go through alot to win this match, Saul.

P. LICKIN: I'll bet you two sawbucks he doesn't get past the tenth guy.

Maverick's Theme, "Never Let It Go" begins playing over the loudspeaker as the light dims and spotlights on the stage.


Maverick steps out from the curtain and holds it open as Jade Malikai walks through it. He continues through the stage and down the ramp as Maverick returns to the back.

Tina Peterson: Approaching the ring at this time... hailing from Phoenix, Arizona! Weighing in at two hundred and five pounds and standing six feet tall... Jade Malikai!

Jade Malikai climbs the steel steps as Maverick jumps onto the apron to part the rope to let him in the ring. He stands in the middle of the ring while Maverick and company take their places outside.

JOEY STYLES: Jade has been practicing hard for this match, P.

P. LICKIN: So has your mom but I'm not singing about it.

DiBiase and Jade circle each other as the bell rings, beginning the Royal Rumble. They lock up and DiBiase gets the upper hand, kicking Jade to the midsection and shooting him to the ropes. DiBiase goes for a quick clothesline and elimination, but Jade grabs the ropes and pulls himself down and out of the way. DiBiase goes over the top rope but lands on the apron. Jade hops up looking to get himself a quick elimination, grabbing DiBiase. However, DiBiase hooks his arm under Jade's arm and flips him over the top rope to the outside with a hip toss! Jade Malikai is eliminated.

SAUL LAYMAN: Mr. Styles, Mr. Lickin, I hope you don't mind me sitting in for this match.

JOEY STYLES: I... guess we have an extra seat as Scott DiBiase makes the first elimination...

P. LICKIN: Did someone pee somewhere?

As the regal melody sounds of “Black Republican” by Nas and Jay Z, Chance walks out slowly, strolling in a half crouch with his hand shielding his eyes…which are covered by Aviators. The fans go nuts for the perennial contender. Chanc strolls down to the ring with the narcissistic swagger that makes women swoon; men wanna hate and makes children idolize him. He rolls in the ring as DiBiase comes running across the ring putting the boots to him. Chance powers his way back to his knees as DiBiase continues the assault. Chance shoves DiBiase back and gets to his feet. DiBiase charges in, but Chance floors him with a spinning heel kick. Chance catches his breath a bit, shakes his head and goes to pick up DiBiase. Chance hits a snapmare as " Full Nelson " By Limp Bizkit hits, and out comes cisco KID. cK runs down the ramp and slides in the ring as DiBiase and Chance brawl. cK climbs the top turnbuckle, but Chance hits a DDT on DiBiase, then runs up on cK, jumps up on the second turnbuckle and hits an uppercut, sending him to the outside. cisco KID is eliminated "Prefect Strangers" by Deep Purple plays as Black Death comes out from the back stage on to the ramp. He wearing a black full robe and he stops on top of the ramp way with his hands on his hips and looks over the crowd with a slight smile of his face . He then walks down the ramp to the ring. Black Death removes his robe, flexes and steps off to the side, folds his arms and just stands on the side of the ring on the outside, without getting in the ring.

JOEY STYLES: The rumors are true! Black Death has been re-signed and returned to The VWF!

P. LICKIN: You didn't read the notes that was left to us before the show, did you?

As the regal melody sounds of “Black Republican” by Nas and Jay Z hits, Lorenz Black parts the backstage curtain. He comes out filled with fury and emotion, swinging his arms wildly, pumping up each side of the arena. The fans go nuts for the perennial contender. Lorenz strolls down to the ring, with raw emotion. He rolls in the ring as DiBiase hits a DDT on Chance. Lorenz hits a huge clothesline on DiBiase from behind. Chance is up and the Black Republicans put the boots to DiBiase as "All of the Lights" by Kanye West hits and Chris Monsoon comes running down the ramp. Monsoon slides in the ring and hits Lorenz from behind, staggering the big man. Monsoon grabs his head and falls back, hitting a falling neckbreaker. Monsoon springs up and hits a leg drop.

JOEY STYLES: Monsoon is out and running, but is it going to be enough to tip the scales with The Black Republicans in the ring? It's possible this might be too extreme for the rest of the men in the ring.

SAUL LAYMAN: What's wrong? Are you afraid that a three man team would be a little too extreme?

P. LICKIN: You better not start stealing my lines.

Maverick's Theme, "Never Let It Go" begins playing over the loudspeaker as the light dims and spotlights on the stage. Johan Kjeldsson comes running down the ramp. He climbs the stairs to the ring, glancing at Black Death still standing there ringside. Johan climbs the turnbuckle and jumps off, hitting a double ax-handle drop on Chance Black. DiBiase and Monsoon double team Lorenz, hitting him in the corner and trying to beat him down. "Battle of One" by 30 Seconds to Mars begins to play as the masked El Lobo Grande comes out from the back. He raises his right arm into the air before making his way down the ramp. Lobo climbs the turnbuckle quickly. Monsoon charges at Lobo, but Lobo jumps off over Monsoon. DiBiase has his back to Lobo, who grabs him by the leg and tosses him over the top rope, but he lands on the apron and rolls back in the ring. Lorenz comes out of the corner and goes for a clothesline on Lobo, but he rolls out of the way. Lorenz hits Monsoon instead, sending him sailing back over the top rope to the apron. Lobo rolls forward and hits a rolling back heel kick, knocking Monsoon off the apron to the outside. Chris Monsoon is eliminated

JOEY STYLES: El Lobo Grande is off to a great start, P.

P. LICKIN: Yeah, yeah yeah. Let me know when he grows tits and needs $20.

“For Ramridge” hits, and out comes Bobby Bostwick, running down the ramp. He slides in and immediately attacks Chance Black, hitting him with a flurry of rights and lefts. "All of the Lights" by Kanye West hits, and Red Tornado comes down the ramp. She stalks down, looking around as the men fight in the ring. Lorenz is holding on to the top rope as DiBiase, Lobo and Johan are trying to push him over the top rope. Bostwick has Chance in the opposite corner, hitting lefts and rights. Red slowly walks up the steps, when "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts hits, and out comes Allison Tumbler. Allison trots down the ramp and stands in front of Red Tornado in the ring. She demands that Red eliminate herself, when Black Death stirs and rolls in the ring. Allison slaps Red, who falls down, looking up at Allison. Allison feels Black Death behind her, turns around and sees him standing tall. She hauls off and slaps him, when Black Death doesn't move, smirks, and just picks her up and tosses her over his shoulder. Black Death, with Allison on his shoulder, goes over the top rope to the apron and hops down. Allison wiggles free and takes off running to the back. Black Death and Allison Tumbler are eliminated. "Dr.Feelgood" by Motley Crue hits and both Dr. Feelgood and Dr. Jekyl come out to a chorus of cheers as the VWF Hall of Famers come down the ramp, high fiving everyone as they both slide in the ring.

JOEY STYLES: The Brothers have arrived! It's great to see them back in a VWF ring, and they both look in great shape, P.

P. LICKIN: Stop oogling the talent, you pervert.

Feelgood and Jekyl are in the ring as Lobo charges and they hit a double clothesline. Lorenz is up next as he hits a huge military press on DiBiase in the middle of the ring. Feelgood and Jekyl hit another double clothesline. Feelgood and Jekyl high five each other as the crowd cheers, when Bobby Bostwick grabs Jekyl from behind and tosses him over the top rope to the outside. Dr. Jekyl is eliminated Feelgood swings at Bostwick, but he ducks, grabs Feelgood and tosses him over the top rope with a backdrop suplex. Dr. Feelgood is eliminated. Feelgood and Jekyl get up, dust themselves off, and continue to high five fans ringside as they go to the bar backstage.

JOEY STYLES: The Brothers are just happy to see the fans.

P. LICKIN: Almost as happy as your mom when the fleet sails in.

(The pounding drums and blaring, dirty guitars of Taking Back Sunday's "El Paso" blares out. Out from behind the curtain to roaring applause steps "The Ravger" Reed Cromier. He wears a black t-shirt with red writing that reads "Put On The War Paint". Reed's jet black hair is slicked back as he walks slowly to the ring eyeing his opponent. The right side of his face is painted black with red streaks in an ode to his mentor John McDonough. As he reaches the ring he jumps up onto the apron and points at his opponent before bringing both hands up to his neck and making the choke sign as the crowd cheers.)

JOEY STYLES: Reed Cromier has been impressive in his recent debut, capturing the Pan Pacific Title.

P. LICKIN: Yes. The country of Pan should be proud.

Red Tornado remains in a corner, trying to stay out of the way as Chance Black hits a headscissors takedown on Lobo. Chance hops up, celebrating. He charges at Reed and hits a back elbow, staggering the Canadian back into the corner. Chance hops up to the second rope for some mounted punches, but Reed shoves him off and he hits the mat. Chance gets up, but Reed comes out, kicks him to the midsection and hits The Pillager! Reed picks Chance up and tosses him over the top rope to the outside. Chance Black is eliminated. Johan and DiBiase are trying to eliminate Lorenz on the ropes, but Lorenz is holding on with pure strength. Reed comes up behind Johan and grabs a boot, and dumps him over the top rope to the outside. Johan Kjeldsson is elimated. "War" by 30 seconds to Mars hits, and Johnny Aggression walks out from behind the curtain. The fans start to cheer as Johnny walks down to ringside. However, as he is about to reach the bottom of the ramp, "Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins hits and Dan Ryan comes running out. He hits a forearm on Johnny as he turns around, taking him down on the ramp. Dan sidesteps him and slides in the ring.

JOEY STYLES: Dan Ryan is not fooling around, P.

P. LICKIN: The man is a MACHINE.

Lobo runs at Dan and attempts a flying cross-body, but Dan catches him in mid-air and hits a belly to belly suplex. Bostwick runs at Dan and goes for a running flying chop, but Dan catches him as well and hits a spinning belly to belly suplex. Lorenz shoves DiBiase off of him, and Dan catches him from behind and hits a German suplex. Dan stands up as Red Tornado stares him down. Dan glares at her and points at the ropes. Red Tornado gulps, and goes over the top rope to the outside. Red Tornado is eliminated.

JOEY STYLES: Did Dan Ryan just eliminate someone with a stare?

P. LICKIN: I'd pee myself too if Dan Ryan was staring me down.

Lorenz Black and Dan Ryan turn to each other, the big men staring each other down. They get face to face as the rest of the particpants are all sprawled out over the ring. Lorenz and Dan step up to each other, argueing back and forth as the crowd gets revved up. They get closer, until Lorenz hauls back and hits a big right. Dan comes back with his own right. They exchange blows until Dan blocks one, kicks Lorenz to the midsection and shoots Lorenz to the ropes. Lorenz counters attempting a clothesline, but Dan ducks. DiBiase comes out of nowhere and hits a throat chop on Lorenz, taking the big man down. Comier hits DiBiase, grabs him and hits a backdrop suplex. Bostwick jumps on Lorenz as Aggression gets in the ring and charges Dan Ryan. Lorenz reverses the attack from Bostwick and dumps him over the top rope, but Bostwick holds on, refusing to be eliminated. Aggression and Dan brawl back into the corner as Cromier puts the boots to DiBiase. "For Ramridge” hits and out comes Brent Cross. Brent runs down the ramp and wastes no time. Lobo tries to head him off, but Brent hits a right and tosses Lobo into the corner. Brent grabs Lorenz from behind and hits a reverse Russian leg-sweep. Bobby and Brent then shake hands, then Bobby holds down the top rope, and Brent climbs over it. Brent then holds the rope while Bobby climbs over it. They grab each other's hands and jump off the apron to the floor, eliminating themselves. Bobby Bostwick and Brent Cross are eliminated

JOEY STYLES: What just happened?

P. LICKIN: Uh... The Varsity Squad just quit the match?

BRENT CROSS: Early tonight in the TRUE Main Event of this Pay Per View, the Varsity Squad were robbed of the Real World Titles... We are contractually guaranteed a rematch for the most prestigious championship this industry has to offer... And yet we're expect to compete amongst 43 plebeians for a chance at a lesser title? I think not! Those titles are beneath us, and this event is beneath us!

BOBBY BOSTWICK: But no man, or men, in this match deserves to boast the he or they eliminated the Varsity Squad from this competition... Therefore, official credit for the elimination of Bobby Bostwick shall go to... Brent Cross!

BRENT CROSS: And official credit for the elimination of Brent Cross shall go to Bobby Bostwick. The rest of you may continue to fight over your foolish lesser trinkets, whilst we shall focus on the only championship that truly matters. And any who disapprove shall Get Rammed! For we are the Varsity Squad...

BOBBY BOSTWICK: ... And we are Simply Better Than You!

Yellow and Orange lasers and lights flash all over the arena. A shower of flares and pyrotechnics shoot up from the stage, as "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys kicks up on the PA system. Sunny emerges from behind the curtain wearing her usual ring attire. A golden set of short shorts with the words "The Golden Goddess" scrawled across the back in black lettering, A white bedazzled tank top, and black boots.

She salutes the crowd by raising both hands in the air, and struts down to the ring. She walks up the stairs, and enters the ring through the middle set of ropes, and walks to the far corner of the ring; climbs the turnbuckle and blows a kiss to the crowd. Bostwick and Cross hop back on the apron and hold the ropes for Sunny as she gets in the ring before they leave.

JOEY STYLES: Sunny Davis is...

P. LICKIN: SHUT UP! I'm trying to screen capture this on the video monitor.

SAUL LAYMAN: Sunny Days are upon us in the VWF!

P. LICKIN: Seriously. Stop stealing my lines.

Back in the ring, Aggression and Cromier have Dan in the corner. Lorenz sizes him up as Aggression and Cromier hold him. Lorenz charges in, but Dan shoves Aggression and Cromier off of him, and ducks down, hitting a back body drop on Lorenz that sends him over the top rope to the outside. Lorenz Black is eliminated Dan hits a clothesline on Aggression. Cromier runs up, and hits a bulldog on Dan. Lobo and DiBiase are exchanging blows, and Lobo kicks DiBiase to the midsection and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Sunny runs at the ropes and comes off, hitting a headscissors takedown on Lobo.

SAUL LAYMAN: Hasn't this guy been dead since 1999? Is he going to team up with Zombie Shovelman in a new incarnation of The Frighteners?

JOEY STYLES: I thought that was Zombie Bob Hope.

P. LICKIN: Sunny makes my penis feel like a zombie, because it just keeps rising.

“Disposable Teens” by Marilyn Manson blasts over on the PA system and the fans immediately start jeering as “The Iron Tiger” Nick Maggio bursts out from behind the curtain. Maggio stands at the top of the ramp wearing a ripped “Tap or Die” tank top and his signature “Team Maggio” fight trunks. He takes a few slow steps up the ramp before rapidly flaring his arms over his head and screaming with intensity. He curses at the fans before storming into the ring with one of the most frightening mean-mugs in the business. Maggio kicks Aggression in the side as he and Cromier are attempting to eliminate Dan. Maggio shoots Aggression to the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Aggression ducks and goes back to the ropes. Maggio hits a back body drop this time on Aggression. Maggio grabs Cromier from behind and hits an inverted suplex. Dan pulls himself back over the top rope and inside. Lobo kicks Sunny to the midsection and hits a jawbreaker. As he stands up, Maggio levels him with a running boot to the head. DiBiase sidesteps Lobo and hits a sidekick to Maggio, staggering the big man back. Dan grabs him and hits a sideslam. "Full Nelson" By Limp Bizkit hits, and out comes HisaMe.


P. LICKIN: YES! Finally something I can get into.

HisaMe struts her way down the ramp as the male fans cheer and reach out for her. HisaMe walks up the stairs and enters the ring. Aggression is back up, and HisaMe sees The White Knight of The VWF. She slides up to him as he pauses a moment. HisaMe lays a big kiss on his cheek, of which Aggression approves. However, it allows Maggio to hit him from behind and toss him in the corner turnbuckle where he starts to hit shoulderblocks to the midsection. Sunny is also up and spins HisaMe around. HisaMe looks at Sunny and puts her hand in her face. Sunny smacks the hand out of her face and hits a big right, sending HisaMe sailing back over the top rope to the outside. HisaMe is eliminated "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts hits, and out comes Tanner Summers with Allison Tumbler.

JOEY STYLES: What is Allison doing back out here? She's already eliminated.

P. LICKIN: Supporting her MAN is what.

As the two make their way out together hand-in hand from the curtain, the smooth sounds of "Summer Breeze" begins to play. However, this is the only time they are next to each other, as Allison takes the lead, walking out in front and making it clear that SHE is the focal point. Summers lags behind, occasionally nodding to a fan or two that may be giving him props. Tanner rolls in the ring as Allison yells at him to start eliminating people. Tanner charges at DiBiase, who counters him with a powerslam. DiBiase locks in a headlock. Suddenly "Rico's Way" hits, and out comes Rico to a chorus of cheers and dropping rainbow confetti. He prances down the ramp and stops right in front of Allison Tumbler on the outside. Allison crosses her arms over her chest. Rico smacks her on the butt. Allison yelps and smacks Rico in the face. Rico blows her a kiss and then skips around the ring. Rico slides in the ring and jumps up and down, excited. Nick Maggio immediately hits a running boot to the head, taking Rico down.

JOEY STYLES: Rico goes down!

P. LICKIN: You're sick, Styles.

Tazz's theme hits, and the fans jump to their feet, cheering. Tazz tells them all to fuck off as he stomps down the ramp and climbs the stairs. Tazz goes through the ropes. Sunny goes for a superkick, but Tazz dodges it and shoves her off. DiBiase is up, and charges at Tazz, but again he sidesteps the clothesline. Tazz comes face to face with Dan Ryan. Tazz screams "fuck you" at Dan. Dan punches him in the face, and he collapses, out like a light. "Don Omar" by Danza Kuduro hits, and Ursula Areano comes sprinting down the ramp, ready to go. Ursula slides in the ring as Rico is getting to his feet. Tanner grabs Ursula, but she grabs his head and drops down, hitting a jawbreaker, then springing up and hitting a spinning heel kick. Ursula grabs Rico and tosses him over the top rope to the outside. Rico is elimianted. Tazz, dazed, is on his knee getting up. Ursula grabs him while Dan is in the corner brawling with Lobo and Aggression. Ursula tosses Tazz over the top rope to the outside, where he screams "Fuuuuuuccckkkk!" as he sails over. Tazz is eliminated Ursula turns around and is speared by Sunny. Sunny hits mounted punches on Ursula as she is down.

P. LICKIN: I loved everything about that sentence.

"Midnight" by Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing over the loud speakers as Oliver Jones walks out out to the ring with a smile on his face wearing a Hawaiian style t-shirt and a hat accompanied by his best friend Edwin Hughes and his manager Robert Hamilton. His music fades out as he takes off his Hawaiian shirt, takes off his hat, and hands them to an attendant at ringside and then slides into the ring. Cromier attacks him with some overhand punches, keeping him down on a knee. Jones finally puts a shoulder forward and comes up, hitting a three-point stance tackle. Cromier rolls away as DiBiase comes off the ropes and goes for a flying forearm, but Jones catches him with a powerslam. Jones picks DiBiase up and tosses him over the top rope. DiBiase holds on to the top rope, keeping himself from falling completely out and skins the cat, pulling himself back up into the ring and falling to the mat for a moment. Dan grabs Jones and hits a few capture headbutts. Maggio clips Dan by the knee, making him fall down. Maggio and Jones grab Dan and hit a double suplex. Maggio hits a fist drop and Jones hits leg drop on Dan at the same time. Suddenly, Tazz comes running back down the ramp and slides in the ring.

JOEY STYLES: What is Tazz doing down here?

P. LICKIN: One of his pet peeves IS people with three names.

JOEY STYLES: Where did you find that out?

P. LICKIN: It's on his E-Harmony profile.

Tazz slides in the ring, but Maggio grabs him immediately and military presses him over the top rope to the outside. Tazz is eliminated. Again. "HERE WE GO!" hits and Maverick Jones comes running down the ramp. Jones slides in the ring. DiBiase turns around and Maverick hits him with Natural Selection! DiBiase flies back into the corner turnbuckle and collapses. Allison screams at Tanner, and he turns towards her with Ursula in a sleeper hold. Tanner shoves her away to pay attention to Allison. Maverick capitolizes and hits Natural Selection on Tanner Summers, sending him back into the ropes and over the top to the outside. Tanner Summers is eliminated. Maverick turns around, and eats a double clothesline from Lobo and Ursula. Lobo hits a standing senton and Ursula hits a flipping legdrop at the same time. They both stand up. Sunny hits a cartwheel kick on Ursula, knocking her down. Dan Ryan grabs Lobo and knees him in the midsection. Dan picks Lobo up and military presses him over his head, and tosses him over the top rope. However, Lobo lands on his feet on the top of the crowd barrier. Lobo sways for a moment as the crowd cheers, then quickly uses his momentum to run a few steps and jumps across back to the apron. Lobo pulls on the ropes and hits a springboard dropkick on Jones from behind as the crowd starts chanting LET'S GO, LO-BO!


P. LICKIN: ..... I could do that.

A fountain of pyros sprays upon his body on the entrance ramp, however the entire entrance ramp is being sprayed instead of just the top, making it look like a tunnel and Liger walks through it unfazed with his leather jacket and shades on. When he reaches the end, he removes his shades, which also serves a signal for the pryo rain to stop and he is finally revealed to be “The Awesome One” Thomas Liger. Liger walks up the stairs as the other participants brawl in the ring. Liger steps back, as Whispers can be heard coming out of the speakers. The lights flash. "Blackened Roots" plays and the arena goes completely dark. Spotlights shine on the stage as smoke rolls off of them. White sparks shoot off the stage and instanly the lights come on showing Mysterious standing on the stage. The lights flash and go off again. When they come back on Mysterious stands at the top of the ramp. Liger walks around by the announce booth as Mysterious comes down the ramp and slides in the ring. DiBiase, Cromier and Aggression are trying to push Dan over the top rope to eliminate him. Mysterious grabs Aggression from behind and hits a falling DDT. Liger quickly slides in the ring with a steel chair and hits Mysterious in the back. Mysterious falls back to the ropes, and Liger tosses the chair at him, hitting him again in the back. Liger grabs Mysterious by the boot and lifts him over the top rope to the outside. Mysterious is eliminated. Liger shouts "That's AWESOME!" as he puts his thumb over his throat. However, Mysterious isn't done as he shakes his head, realizes what just happened and slides back in the ring before VWF Officials can corral him to the back. Mysterious grabs Liger from behind, spins him around and hits a right, right right, then clotheslines him over the top rope where both land on the outside. Mysterious continues to put the boots to Liger as Dan is pushed over the top rope, but holds on and rolls back in the ring under the bottom rope. Lobo and Ursula grab Maggio and shoot him to the ropes. Lobo and Ursula go for a double clothesline, but Maggio ducks and goes back to the ropes and comes back, hitting his own clothesline on the duo, taking all three down. On the outside, Liger shoots Mysterious into the steel stairs and has a bloody nose as he tackles Mysterious. VWF Officials finally seperate the two and drag them off, as both continue to try and claw at the other one.

JOEY STYLES:I don't think Mysterious thinks Liger is very awesome, P.

P. LICKIN: Neither is your face, but I don't take away your Rumble dreams, Joey. Mysterious was out of line! But why didn't Encore... oh wait...

"Sarajevo" plays to a mixed reaction from the crowd, neither side overpowering the other. Roses are poured down on the stage by stage hands and a red carpet is rolled down the ramp. Encore appears, his head tucked down, his hood covering his face. As the song hits the bridge, Encore flings the coat off to a golden shower of pyrotechnics. Encore tosses off his hood and cape, then trots down to the ring. Encore slides in and immediately exchanges blows with Maverick. Maverick hits a knee lift, pushing Encore to the ropes. Maverick goes to the ropes and comes out, going for a clothesline, but Encore ducks down and pulls the rope down, and Maverick goes over the top rope to the outside. Maverick Jones is elimated. Encore stands up and immediately hits The Monologue on Sunny. Encore stands up and begins to sing, when Reed Cromier hits Encore with a superkick that sends him over the top rope to the outside. Encore is eliminated.

SAUL LAYMAN: Encore! Encore!

JOEY STYLES: Isn't that P's line?

P. LICKIN: Yeah! Fuck this guy!

Encore stands up, glaring at Cromier as he returns to the back. "HERE WE GO!" hits and out the man if he ever won the World Title would need three belts for his name, Christopher-Michael Smith-Weston. Weston slides in the ring when "I Know It's Gonna Hurt" hits and out comes Phoenix. He's staggering a bit, and kind of looks like he has been drinking for courage, and runs down the ramp and slides in the ring. "Mud Shovel" by Staind hits, and Zombie Shovelman comes running down the ramp too. Maggio and Jones position themselves right by the ropes as Weston comes in. They immediately kick him to the midsection and pick him up in a double powerbomb and send him over the top rope to the outside. Christopher-Michael Smith-Weston is eliminated. Phoenix slides in behind them, and Sunny grabs him and shoots him to the ropes. Phoenix comes back and Sunny hits a back body drop, sending Phoenix over the top rope to the outside. Phoenix is eliminated. Maggio and Jones see Zombie Shovelman slide in the ring next, and again grab him before he can get involved. Shovelman hits a few body blows, but they both grab him by the arms and monkey toss him over the top rope to the outside. Zombie Shovelman is eliminated

P. LICKIN: They're dropping like flies, Joey, FLIES!

"Wentches and Kings" by Linkin Park begins to play as white smoke fills the entrance way. A stroke light begins to tear through the smoke as a dark figure steps into the smoke. Alexander Cage stands in the smoke, his retired MMA Title belt around his waist and a towel over his head. He holds his head down as he makes his way to the ring. Cage climbs up the steps and stops on the apron. He removes the towel over his head and tosses it down, then runs down the ramp and slides in the ring. Before anyone can do anything, "Think About The End" hits and out comes The Viking King?!?!? He has a mic in hand as he begins to speak.

THE VIKING KING: Calm down... The Viking King is NOT coming down there to participate. However... SOMEONE scraped the side of His limo in the parking lot. And guess who was seen doing it on the cameras? The United States Champion, Alexander Cage. So guess what Cage? The first person to eliminate YOU... is the NEW United States Champion. Good luck Cage, you're going to need it.

Cage stares in disbelief, and immediately before anyone can move, Sunny Davis grabs him by the back of the leg and dumps him over the top rope to the outside. Alexander Cage is eliminated. Sunny Davis wins the United States Championship. Sunny cheers, and Ursula hits the Brazilian Super Kick, sending the celebrating Sunny over the top rope to the outside. Sunny Davis is eliminated.


JOEY STYLES: She may be out, but she is going home with gold, P.

"All of the Lights" hits, and Alex Thunder comes running down the ramp. Alex slides in the ring, and tackles DiBiase, hitting some mounted punches. Aggression kicks Dan to the midsection and shoots him to the corner. Aggression charges in, but Dan Ryan ducks down and tosses Aggression over the top rope. Aggression lands on the apron, but Dan grabs his head and smashes it on the turnbuckle, and Aggression falls outside. Johnny Aggression is eliminated Sirens blare over the PA as opening chords of "Indestructible" by Disturbed hit. Pyro rains down from the ceiling and a strobe flashes as the Swedish appears on the stage. Fish runs down the ramp as the crowd cheers him on, sliding in the ring. Fish hits a left on DiBiase, then hits Maggio. Fish goes to the ropes and comes off, hitting a flying forearm to Jones, staggering him back. Fish shoots Jones to the ropes, but Jones comes back with a kick to the midsection and picks up Fish for a powerbomb to the outside. Fish holds his legs around Jones' head and grabs the ropes, pulling Jones over the top rope to the outside. Oliver Jones is eliminated. Fish rolls back under the ropes back into the ring. Suddenly, "I am the One and Only"by Chesney Hawkes hits, and out comes... Ian Credible and Danny Orchard???

JOEY STYLES:Ian Credible? What's he doing here? He isn't under contract. I thought he won the lottery and retired.

P. LICKIN: It must be for... one night only! The man who won the Royal Rumble and cashed in his shot against Jonny Cedrone in the same night!

Ian and Danny come down the ramp. Danny is argueing with Ian, as Ian is telling him that everyone will undoubtedly be happy to see him. They both get on the apron, and Danny holds the ropes for Ian. Ian steps through, and Danny follows. Ian waves at the crowd as they boo loudly, commenting to Danny on how much he is loved. He turns and Dan Ryan clotheslines both of them right over the top rope to the outside. Ian Credible and Danny Orchard are eliminated. Gail Kim comes running down the ramp with no entrance music because she didn't have the decency to even create a board account so she doesn't get fucking music. Gail Kim slides in the ring, and Jared Fish immediately grabs her by the head and tosses her right back out of the ring. Gail Kim is eliminated. Ursula and Lobo grab Alex Thunder and hit a double suplex on him over the top rope to the outside. Alex Thunder is eliminated. “Young Cardinals” begins to play over the house speakers, then Cole pops out from the curtain with his fists in the air, pumping up the crowd. Cole runs down the ramp and slides in. Lobo and Ursula go for a double clothesline, but Cole ducks and goes to the ropes. DiBiase grabs Cole's head from behind going for a capture neckbreaker, but Cole counters with a headtoss. Maggio grabs Cole and hits a belly to back suplex. Suddenly, the lights go out, then come back up. At the top of the ramp stands four men.

P. LICKIN: Who are these folks?

JOEY STYLES: Those are the four most recent VWF signings! Vagn Dahl, Stoner, Winston Hyatt and Greg Samuel. I didn't realize they were in the Rumble though...

P. LICKIN: Uh oh... this doesn't look good...

The foursome come running down the ramp and all slide in the ring, starting to brawl with the rest of the roster. "All of the Lights" hits, and Crimson Lightening comes running down the ramp and slides in the ring, helping the VWFers against the new entrants. "Rock Lobster" by The B-52's hits, and Axel the Shark comes out as the last entrant, running down teh ramp and getting in the ring. Dan Ryan and Nick Maggio pick up Greg Samuel and send him over the top rope to the outside. Greg Samuel is eliminated. Lobo and Ursula hit a monkey toss on Stoner sending him over the top rope to the outside. Stoner is eliminated Dan Ryan hits a clothesline on Vagn Dahl, sending him over the top rope to the outside. Vagn Dahl is eliminated. Winston Hyatt grabs Dan from behind and dumps him over the top rope to the outside. Dan Ryan is eliminated. Dan lands on his feet and hits the apron, looking up at the newcomer in anger. Axel tries to jump Jared Fish, but he picks up Axel in a Death Valley Driver and tosses him over the top rope to the outside. Axel the Shark is eliminated. Fish turns around and eats a clothesline from Winston Hyatt, sending him over the top rope to the outside. Jared Fish is eliminated Cole Legula hits a superkick on Crimson Lightening, sending him over the top rope to the outside. Crimson Lightening is eliminated. Ursula climsb the turnbuckle and jumps off, but is caught in the air by Winston and tossed over the top rope to the outside. Ursula Areano is eliminated. Hyatt turns around and is hit with a double clothesline from Maggio and Legula, sending him over the top rope to the outside. Winston Hyatt is eliminated. Legula then immediately capitolizes, grabbing Maggio's boot and dumping him over the top rope to the outside. Nick Maggio is elimianted

JOEY STYLES: That's it! We are DOWN to our final four, P.! Each person left in that ring is walking out with some award, but only one is walking out with a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship.

P. LICKIN: Can we get Sunny back here? Maybe she wants to celebrate...

Scott DiBiase, El Lobo Grande, Cole Legula and Reed Cromier are all left. The four men stand in each corner, panting and tired as they all look each other up and down. They all make an audible sigh as they realize they need to dig down to finish this. The foursome all come to the middle of the ring. Legula and DiBaise lock up. Lobo and Cromier start to brawl. Legula pushes DiBiase back into the corner and hits a chop to the chest, getting a "Woo!" from the crowd. Legula hops on top of the second rope, and hits a right, then a second, third, fourt, fifth, sixth. Legula puts his fist in the air pumping it as the crowd cheers. Suddenly, DiBiase hooks his legs and pushes him forward over the turnbuckle to the outside! Cole Legula is eliminated and is awarded a shot at the Eurocontinental Championship.. On the other side of the ring, Lobo shoots Cromier to the ropes. Cromier puts the brakes on, holding on to the ropes. Lobo charges in, but Cromier ducks down. Lobo jumps up, seeing this, and does a springboard backflip off the top rope back into the ring. Cromier stands up, and Lobo hits a wheelhouse kick, knocking him over the top rope to the apron. Cromier holds onto the ropes, feet dangling. Lobo hits his hands, and Cromier falls! Reed Cromier is eliminated and is awarded a shot at the Britannia Heavyweight Championship. Lobo puts his hands on the top rope for a second to catch his breath, but DiBiase comes up from behind him and dumps him over the top rope! El Lobo Grande is eliminated and awarded a title shot at an title of his choice except the World Title.

JOEY STYLES: DiBiase wins! DiBiase wins! OH MY GOD!

P. LICKIN: He got the first and last elimination and went the mile! SAUL LAYMAN: Ladies and Gentlemen, the last man standing with the FIRST and LAST eliminations and winner of the Royal Rumble, your number one contender for the World Heavyweight championship.... Scott DiBiase! )-)-)

Winner: Sunny Davis wins the United States Championship. Cole Legula wins a shot at the Eurocontinental Championship. Reed Cromier wins a shot at the Britannia Heavyweight Championship. El Lobo Grande wins a shot at any title of his choice. Scott DiBiase wins the Royal Rumble and is #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship


1. Scott DiBiase
2. Jade Malikai
3. Chance Black
4. Cisco Kid
5. Black Death
6. Lorenz Black
7. Chris Monsoon
8. Johan Kjeldsson
9. El Lobo Grande
10. "Better" Bobby Bostwick
11. Red Tornado
12. Allison Tumbler
13. Dr. Feelgood
14. Dr. Jekyl
15. "The Ravager" Reed Cromier
16. Johnny Aggression
17. Dan "The Egobuster" Ryan
18. "Brilliant" Brent Cross
19. Sunny Davis
20. Nick Maggio
21. HisaMe
22. Tanner Summers
23. Rico
24. Tazz
25. Ursula Areano
26. Oliver Wendel Jones
27. Maverick Jones
28. Thomas Liger
29. Encore
30. Mysterious
31. Christopher-Michael Smith-Weston
32. Phoenix
33. Zombie Shovelman
34. Alexander Cage
35. Alex Thunder
36. Jared "The Swedish" Fish
37. CELEBRITY ENTRANT - Ian Credible
38. CELEBRITY ENTRANT - Danny Orchard
39. Gail Kim
40. Cole Legula
41. UNKNOWN - Vagn Dahl
42. UNKNOWN - Stoner
43. UNKNOWN - Winston Hyatt
44. UNKNOWN - Greg Samuel
45. Crimson Lightening
46. Axel the Shark


Jade Malikai by Scott DiBiase
cisco KID by Chance Black
Chris Monsoon by El Lobo Grande
Allison Tumbler by Black Death
Black Death by Black Death
Dr. Jekyl by Bobby Bostwick
Dr. Feelgood by Bobby Bostwick
Chance Black by Reed Cromier
Johan Kjeldsson by Reed Cromier
Red Tornado by Dan Ryan
Bobby Bostwick by Brent Cross
Brent Cross by Bobby Bostwick
Lorenz Black by Dan Ryan
HisaMe by Sunny Davis
Rico by Ursula Aerano
Tazz by Ursula Aerano
Tazz by Nick Maggio
Tanner Summers by Maverick Jones
Mysterious by Thomas Liger
Thomas Liger by Mysterious
Maverick Jones by Encore
Encore by Reed Cromier
Christopher-Michael Smith-Weston by Nick Maggio and Oliver Jones
Phoenix by Sunny Davis
Zombie Shovelman by Nick Maggio and Oliver Jones
Alexander Cage by Sunny Davis
Sunny Davis by Ursula Aereno
Johnny Aggression by Dan Ryan
Oliver Jones by Jared Fish
Ian Credible by Dan Ryan
Danny Orchard by Dan Ryan
Gail Kim by Jared Fish
Alex Thunder by El Lobo Grande and Ursula Aereno
Greg Samuel by Dan Ryan and Nick Maggio
Stoner by El Lobo Grande and Ursula Aereno
Vagn Dahl by Dan Ryan
Dan Ryan by Winston Hyatt
Axel the Shark by Jared Fish
Jared Fish by Winston Hyatt
Crimson Lightening by Cole Legula
Ursula Aereno by Winston Hyatt
Winston Hyatt by Nick Maggio and Cole Legula
Nick Maggio by Cole Legula
Coleg Legula by Scott DiBiase
Reed Cromier by El Lobo Grande
El Lobo Grande by Scott DiBiase


Dan Rryan x7
TD Alexander x3
Ursula Aereno x5
Nick Maggion x5
El Lobo Grande x4
Scott DiBiase x3
Winston Hyatt x3
Cole Legula x3
Bobby Bostwick x3
Reed Cromier x3
Sunny Davis x3
Jared Fish x3
Black Death x2
Oliver Jones x2
Chance Black x1
Brent Cross x1
Maverick Jones x1
Thomas Liger x1
Mysterious x1
Encore x1


(The VikingTron shows Crimson Lightening backstage. He sits alone in a chair. Sweat on his brow, his head bowed with a towel around his neck. Red Tornado approaches him...)

RED TORNADO: So... you like how I look?



CRIMSON LIGHTENING: How do I put this... somewhere in an attic... there's a painting of you getting prettier.


CRIMSON LIGHTENING: Tonight convinced me. From now on... things are going to change.

RED TORNADO: What are you talking about?

CRIMSON LIGHTENING: America... will rise again.

(The camera fades back to a commercial.)

(-(-( TINA PETERSON: The following match is scheduled for one fall, it is our Main Event of the evening for the VWF World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, making his way to the ring from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 176 pounds, Tornado Kid!

"Tornado" plays on the arena sound system as Tornado Kid steps through the curtain. He stares ahead to the ring, then looks down at his taped fists for a long moment before pumping one of them over his head to fire up the crowd, then sprints to the ring. He slides in at full speed, then rolls over, kips up, and jumps up onto the top turnbuckle. Tornado Kid remains fiercely focused as he basks in the reaction of the fans before back flipping into the ring, landing on his feet.

TINA PETERSON: And his opponent, making his way to the ring from Knoxville, Tennessee, weighing in tonight at 240 pounds, he is the reigning and defending VWF Heavyweight Champion of the World, TD Alexander!

“Tear Away” by Drowning Pool hits the loudspeakers as the fans in attendance commences to boo. A moment or so passes before TD shows up on the entranceway, wearing a hooded vest. He has his head down until the word “BREAK” is blared over the airwaves as he raises his head and throws his arms wide open. He holds this position until the pyro behind him goes off and he strolls down to the ring, with the fans hissing the entire time. Once in the ring, TD lowers the hood and opens his arms once more, again, with more pyrotechnics going off behind him. He removes the garment and cracks his neck, waiting for the match to begin.

JOEY STYLES: Ladies and gentlemen, this is it! Just a few moments ago, we learned who the next number one contender would be, now we find out who will be World Champion...

The referee takes the title from TD and holds it up as Tornado Kid and Alexander meet in the middle of the ring. The official then delivers the belt to ringside, and as soon as he does, TD slaps TK hard across the face.

JOEY STYLES: Blatant cheap shot from Alexander before the bell!

P. LICKIN: The cheaper the better.

The ref calls for the bell, and an incensed Tornado Kid starts swinging furiously. He lands a few wild blows before jumping into the ropes and coming back with a springboard cross body, but TD Alexander dodges and TK eats mat. Alexander on him immediately, applying a front face lock and grinding. Tornado tries to make it to his feet, but TD floats into a hammerlock, forces him back to the mat, than transitions into a side headlock.

JOEY STYLES: And the champion takes it to the mat.

P. LICKIN: See, this is the brilliance of TD Alexander. He's inside this kid's head, way inside. With one simple slap he was able to get Tornado Kid to go off half cocked, and look at where it's got him.

On the mat, TK struggles to power up to a vertical base, but once he gets there, Alexander immediately executes a headlock takedown to bring it back to the mat, where he continues to grind away. TK finds a headscissors to break free, but Alexander quickly with a headscissors of his own. Another scramble for position brings Alexander back to a front facelock, really grinding on the much smaller opponent.

JOEY STYLES: Tornado Kid having a hard time getting out of the gate tonight.

P. LICKIN: TD Alexander has so much experience, so much technical expertise on his side in this, add to that the big time size and strength advantage, the Kid is in trouble immediately.

With great effort, Tornado is able to power to a standing position, and fires off a pair of body shots in an attempt to break the hold, but TD just lands a knee to the gut and vertical suplex, then floats over into a cover for a 1 count.

JOEY STYLES: The champion with the first attempted fall of the night, but the challenger out at 1.

P. LICKIN: And that's TD's brilliance shining through again. He doesn't really expect to finish Tornado Kid off with a suplex this early, but the cover forces the Kid to kick out, to push all 240 pounds of Alexander's frame off of him. And that takes energy.

Alexander grinds his forearm into Tornado's face before making another cover, for another one count. The champ then flips TK onto his belly and looks for another facelock. Tornado quickly scrambles up, trying to prevent the hold, but Alexander just clubs him with a forearm to the back of the neck, then whips him hard into the corner.

JOEY STYLES: And the champion continues to dominate.

P. LICKIN: They don't call him better than perfection for nothing.

TD follows up with a corner clothesline, then follows up by grinding his boot into the challenger's throat. The ref puts a count on him, and TD breaks the choke at 4, only to immediately reapply and not break till another 4 count. The ref warns him, but TD ignores his remarks as he grabs TK and rakes his eyes across the top rope.

JOEY STYLES: Vicious tactics by TD Alexander, who is flirting with disqualification.

P. LICKIN: TD Alexander knows exactly what you can get away with, exactly how far you can push it and not be disqualified, and he's going to take every advantage of that.

Tornado rubs his eye, trying to restore vision, and Alexander takes advantage by grabbing him from behind and executing a German suplex with a bridge. The ref gets 2 before TK gets a shoulder up.

JOEY STYLES: Alexander with the 2 count!

P. LICKIN: How long are we into this match, Joey? And TD Alexander has already forced Tornado Kid to kick out 3 times, and has already pushed that count to 2. It's perfect strategy, being executed with flawless, methodical perfection.

Alexander executes another bridging German, good for another 2. He goes for a third, but Tornado Kid puts the breaks on and reverses into a roll up, earning 2 of his own before TD scrambles to his free!

JOEY STYLES: Tornado Kid with a 2 count on his own!

Tornado with a kip up. Alexander starts to scramble up as TK comes in and nails him with a Shining Wizard! TK bounces off the ropes, and nails a leg drop. As the crowd cheers, TK climbs up top... But TD springs to his feet and hits the ropes, crotching the kid on the top turnbuckle.

JOEY STYLES: Oh! Tornado Kid just starting to build some momentum, but TD Alexander stops him short!

P. LICKIN: Nipped it in the bud, Joey, saw it coming, and prevented it.

TD took a moment to shake out the cobwebs, then climbed up after TK, nailing him with a couple of rights to the head, then pulling him up to his feet and taking him over with a top rope superplex! TD takes a few seconds to recover from his own impact, then floats over into a cover. TK just gets the shoulder up before the three!

JOEY STYLES: TD Alexander with 2 and a half after that textbook superplex!

P. LICKIN: The champ looking to put on a clinic!

TD pulls Tornado up by the arm and yanks him into a shoulder thrust, and another, and another. He scoops TK up off the mat and executes a knee breaker. TD grabs him by the foot and delivers a stiff kick to the inside of the knee, and another. He follows up with an elbow drop to the knee.

JOEY STYLES: The champion now switching his focus to the knees of the challenger.

P. LICKIN: If Tornado Kid can't fly, he is out of this match. He might as well pack up and go home.

TD pulls Tornado to his feet, but whatever he was going for he doesn't get, as TK suddenly pulls free and leaps up, nailing Alexander in the face with a standing dropkick.

JOEY STYLES: Beautiful dropkick by Tornado Kid!

P. LICKIN: But can he capitalize?

TK up and trying to shake out his knee as Alexander climbs to his feet. Tornado with a snap kick that's caught by the champion, but he springs up with an enziguri, dropping TD face first to the mat.

JOEY STYLES: Another big kick to the head!

P. LICKIN: He's gotta keep the offense going, or TD will tear him apart.

Tornado Kid quickly climbs to the top rope, but TD rolls out of the way and clear across the ring. Tornado jumps off, landing on his feet and coming after Alexander, but the champ grabs him by the tights and pulls him down face first onto the middle turnbuckle.

JOEY STYLES: Tornado Kid with his bell rung!

P. LICKIN: Veteran ring presence, TD Alexander knows exactly where he is in that ring at all times.

Alexander shakes out the cobwebs, then hauls up a dazed Tornado Kid and delivers a scoop slam. He smirks and picks the kid up again, delivering another scoop slam. He scoops up Tornado again and just holds him, walking around the ring with a cocky smile before finally delivering a fall away slam.

JOEY STYLES: TD Alexander with slam after slam on his opponent.

P. LICKIN: TD Alexander is a good sized man, but he doesn't normally enjoy this kind of size advantage. He's the World HEAVYWEIGHT Champion, he's used to fighting, you know... Heavyweights. Not guys who would be small for the middleweight division. So he's enjoying exercising his power game.

TD Alexander delivers a few stomps to TK, then cinches him for a powerbomb, but Tornado reverses into a hurricanrana! He hooks the leg! 1...2... Kick out!

JOEY STYLES: Oh! So close! Tornado Kid nearly takes the victory after that beautiful counter!

TK springs to his feet and lands a low dropkick as TD Alexander is to his knees. Tornado off the ropes, he connects with clothesline. Alexander up, only to take another clothesline. TK rolls out onto the apron grabs the ropes, and lands a slingshot Superman punch! Tornado pumps his fists, firing up the crowd! Alexander struggles to his feet, but Tornado is waiting for him, and lands a bull dog. He hits the ropes and nails a lionsault! Cover! 1...2... Kick out!

JOEY STYLES: 2 and 3/4th!

P. LICKIN: A momentary setback, TD Alexander will be back in control before you know it!

Tornado waits for Alexander to start to get up, then hits the ropes and comes off looking for a springboard flying clothesline, but TD side steps, grabs him in mid air, and nails a throat first flapjack across the top rope!

JOEY STYLES: King's Court! Cover!

P. LICKIN: Your winner and STILL champion...



P. LICKIN: What!?

TD Alexander can't believe it, but Tornado Kid kicked out. TD takes a moment to argue with the ref, who insists it was only 2, before landing some stomps on Tornado, then picking him up and whipping him viciously into the corner. Alexander follows up with a charging shoulder thrust, then another, and another. He cinches Tornado and snaps him out of the corner with a Northern Lights suplex, bridge. 1... 2...

JOEY STYLES: 2 and 99/100th!

P. LICKIN: This kid just doesn't know what's good for him.

TD with angry stomps upon Tornado, followed by a knee drop across the throat that has the Kid rolling around the mat spasming. Showing no mercy, Alexander hauls him off the mat and drops him with a jumping piledriver. He covers...

JOEY STYLES: 2 and 999/1000th!

P. LICKIN: Oh, come on!

TK stares at Tornado in rage. He mounts the challenger, pulls his head up by the hair, and blasts him with malicious slap. Alexander screams "STAY DOWN!" before slapping Tornado again and again and again.

JOEY STYLES: TD Alexander has snapped!

P. LICKIN: This kid has more balls than brains, and TD Alexander is taking it upon himself to teach him the error his ways!

The ref tries to get TD to ease up, but Alexander just shoves him off, then scoops up Tornado and sets him on the top rope facing outside of the ring. TD climbs up after him looking for a German superplex, but Tornado locks his legs and fires off a back elbow, and another, and another! TD falls to the mat! TK to his feet, he lets fly with a corkscrew moonsault! Cover! 1...2...

JOEY STYLES: OH! SO CLOSE! I thought we had a new champion!

P. LICKIN: You thought wrong!

Both men lay on the mat too exhausted to move. The ref checks both, then starts a count.


Tornado starts to stir.


Alexander rolls to the ropes and uses them to try to pull himself up.


Tornado to one knee.


Alexander up.


Tornado makes it to his feet as well!

JOEY STYLES: This one's still going!

TD moves in on Tornado, but the Kid meets him with a big right hand to the face! TD is stunned, but fires back one of his own. Tornado is rocked, but fires another. TD, TK, TD, TK, back and forth big right hand after big right hand!

JOEY STYLES: And now it's a slugfest!

P. LICKIN: Tornado Kid can't possibly hope to match strength with the champion!

JOEY STYLES: He's not, he's running on pure heart!

Tornado lands an unanswered right, and another, and another! TD puts an end to that with a rake to the eyes!

JOEY STYLES: Another cheap shot by TD Alexander!

P. LICKIN: Champions do what it takes to win, Joey...

The ref warns Alexander, but the champ ignores him and lands a boot to the gut and a DDT. He covers...

JOEY STYLES: Again, Tornado Kid kicks out!

P. LICKIN: What is wrong with him!?

TD sneers down at Tornado, pulls him up into a rear waistlock, and fires him back with German suplex. He keeps his hands locked and rolls through into a second German, keeping his hands locked again, he rolls through for a third, this time with a bridge. 1...2...


JOEY STYLES: No! Tornado kicked out!


Alexander screams at the ref to end it, who insists Tornado got the shoulder up. TD gestures that it's over and calls for the Awesomeplex 2.0. TD applies the full nelson, but Tornado breaks it and executes a go behind. He cinches Alexander for a German suplex of his own, but Alexander grabs the ref, pulls him in close, and fires a kick back between Tornado's legs.

JOEY STYLES: Oh! Low blow by the champion!

P. LICKIN: But the ref didn't see it, and who cares if he did? The title doesn't change hands on a DQ...

The ref chastises Alexander for grabbing him, but TD brushes him off, pulls Tornado up, cinches him, and nails the bridging dragon suplex.



1.... 2....

JOEY STYLES: TWO AND 9,999/10,000TH!

P. LICKIN: ...

TD stares in wide eyed shock. He turns to the ref and demands he call for the bell, insisting that was 3. The ref refuses. TD gets in his face, and the ref shouts no. TD grabs the ref by the shirt and threatens him with a fist. The ref warns him he'll be disqualified.

P. LICKIN: Do it, TD! End this madness!

JOEY STYLES: The champion is about to get himself intentionally disqualified because he can't beat Tornado Kid!

TD is about to punch the ref's lights out, but Tornado springs to his feet, spins hims around, and nails Alexander with a superkick! TD falls into a cover. 1... 2... Kick out!

JOEY STYLES: We are a tenth of a second away from a new champion!

P. LICKIN: Damn it, Joey, a tenth of a second is an eternity!

Tornado rolls onto his back and kips up and the crowd explodes! He stumbles backwards into the corner, grabs the top rope, and backflips up onto the top rope.

JOEY STYLES: My God, P! Listen to these fans!

P. LICKIN: A pack of rabid idiots!

Tornado climbs to his feet on the top, but TD springs to his feet and runs up the ropes to meet him. He grabs the challenger and cinches him, landing a belly to belly superplex! He covers...

JOEY STYLES: My god, ladies and gentleman, Tornado Kid has kicked out again!!!

P. LICKIN: Somebody get the champ a damn shotgun!

TD screams in frustration and punishes Tornado with a stomp, and another, and another. He looks around in desperation, trying to figure out what he needs to do to put down the challenger. His gaze turns to the top rope...

JOEY STYLES: TD Alexander looking to steal a page out of Tornado Kid's playbook!

P. LICKIN: Whatever it takes.

TD nods to himself and heads to the corner. Exhaustion setting in, he slowly climbs the ropes, looking for a moonsault. But Tornado Kid kips up and runs up the ropes. He grabs TD from behind, nailing a German superplex! Tornado hooked his legs on the top rope on the way down and uses them to pull himself back up top. He spins around to face the ring, climbs to his feet, and sails with a 630 senton!

JOEY STYLES: Eye of the Storm!

He covers. ".1 ..2 ...3!!!"

TINA PETERSON: The winner of this match and NEW VWF World Heavyweight Champion, TORNADO KID!!! )-)-)

Winner: Tornado Kid wins the World Heavyweight Championship